


Soothing Soul

by TheBlackBane



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Gender Confusion, M/M, Transgender, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 06:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackBane/pseuds/TheBlackBane
Summary: You're a transgender male. Your life is nothing special in New York City. You've always been quite introverted and you were quite insecure at times due to your body and the fact people mocked you for it. But when pressed, you could be rather forward to those deserving. You beared witness to mostly everything that had happened that included the Avengers, though you were mainly interested in the two gods - the brothers who were nothing alike.You even discover you're not as normal as you think you are, and Loki, who you will probably fall for, will be there to help you understand your newfound powers.





	Soothing Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Updated it with some interaction with Tony Stark. I'm trying to incoperate the reader into the Avengers at some point, considering Ragnarok seems to play at the same time Civil War does, but to fit this, I make it so that Civil was has just ended to align better with the story.  
> I love Tony Stark, and I love Loki. I might make a Tony Stark/Transmale Reader too at some point, but first I just had to do Loki. Tell me if I'm getting personalities wrong, because I know Loki is so difficult to do! xD

You weren’t someone that fit the norm of society and you wouldn’t conform to it either. In truth, you were always a deviant - someone that never went with the flock, persay. And in the last couple of years, you promised to yourself that you wouldn’t change for anyone or anything. This is who you were, and you were adamant on achieving what was needed.

When you were born, your parents were proud and you were a bright, joyful child that inspired everyone to be positive in life, but as you aged and became older, you were losing that ray of sunshine and in its stead, darkness crept up over your shoulder and began consuming you. But who could blame you for your depression when you’ve always been someone you weren’t when growing up? A _girl_ . It was the direct opposite of what you felt like - a _boy._

Ever since you came out to your parents when you turned sixteen, life had become difficult. Not that it wasn’t already, it just became even more difficult because people had to use different pronouns for you, and at most times they messed up and apologized. But there were also people that didn’t really understand, and then there were those that thought you belonged in an asylum because you were a freak with a mental disorder. School was something you never looked forward to, because everyone on that school knew you went from a _she_ to a _he,_ and others thought you were simply a tomboy. Maybe even genderqueer.

Suffice to say, you didn’t have many friends and you were an introvert at heart. Someone that loved to get away from the real world. From every single issue that was thrown in your face every single damned day of your life. You could escape it, only for just a moment, but it was enough for you. Drawing and writing was your outlet - two things that required creativity and you had an infinite amount of that. At most nights, you drowned yourself in the books you had if you weren’t inspired to write or draw yourself, and even if it was mere fiction, you immersed yourself in the hearts and minds of other characters that struggled, yet in the end, they were intrepid and faced their fears. They won the fight.

But what if you couldn’t? You’re in your twenties now, you could achieve what you wanted in life. Dressing as a man is one step, as is behaving like one, but having the gut to actually make appointments with the organisations who decide if they allow you to have gender-reassignment surgery is something else. You feared judgement of others.

 

~~

 

It was another miserable day in your life. You didn’t want to go to work and you didn’t want to see other people again. People were something you wanted to avoid in general because they would always have their opinion ready. In the worst case scenario, you’d get verbally bashed, if not beaten up, which had happened a few times in the alleys of New York City. You never dared going to the police because they told you they’d kill you if you did, not to mention that you didn’t want to expose your gender to the police and endure the judgemental looks that were sent your way.

What a _faggot._ What a weird _tranny._ What a _dyke._

When your nightshift had finally ended and you were done with job for the day, you felt relieved that you could finally go home again. To a place where nobody would judge you or hurt you. Nobody would be able to. Nobody but yourself. You looked forward to having a meal, so you decided to go to the pizzeria nearby that wasn’t that far away. Fortunately, you didn’t need to use your car to drive, since the walk only took about ten minutes with a steady pace. It was somewhere in the morning and many people were wandering around on the streets, going about their daily lives as you spotted something in the distance. You weren’t sure if what you saw was actually happening, but it was there, since other people had spotted it aswell. The local care home was being demolished, and there were the two gods, Loki and Thor.

Some girls already rushed towards the pair, well, not the pair. More specifically, they rushed towards Thor. The God of Thunder was famous in the city for all he had done and people were quite glad he wasn’t just a myth as they were taught in school. He was actually real. When you slowly crossed the street to get a better view of the two brothers, you questioned why nobody was taking pictures with Thor’s brother, Loki. He stood aside of his brother, looking visibly annoyed with the women who were swarming all over the man. Then again, Thor wasn’t the one who brought the Chitauri to the city and killed quite alot of people. People resented him for obvious reasons, but you couldn’t help to wonder why he did such a thing. He didn’t seem evil, maybe just different, like you. And assuming they were gods, you supposed something had happened that might’ve forced him to do such morbid things.

Maybe he was jealous? You knew you’d be. Jealous of both of them. You decided you wouldn’t go any closer, not even despite the fact you were an admirer of the two, yet Loki was the one that kept you interested the most. He looked fashionable in his black suit that matched his raven black hair, which was brushed behind his ears in a slick manner. You, however, didn’t wear anything that fancy. Just your regular black clothing that made you look close to a goth, but you weren’t really a goth. You just loved the color black. You stood a few feet from them, briefly casting a glance towards the demolished building that used to be the care house. What were they even here for?

You tried to blend in with the other people that were watching, but most of them left after a few minutes which made you stand out. You didn’t exactly look very manly - you tried to hide your body in layers of clothing that hid the horrible feminine curves you were cursed with, and your hair was cut considerably short to add to that manly appearance you tried to get going. But most would assume you were just a tomboy. A lesbian tomboy. You hated the assumptions of people. After staring at Loki for a while in deep thought, you were snapped out of your thoughts by a deep voice that must’ve been Thor’s.

‘’Brother, I believe that lady over there is watching you.’’ Your brows knitted together at the wrong pronoun and you felt your fingers clench together, hands balling into fists at your sides as you immediately felt the need to correct Thor, and that you did. As you approached the two with a determined stride, your eyes landed on the taller male with an indignant glare. ‘’I’m _not_ a woman. Get that in your thick head, Sparkles.’’ Loki, who stood next to his brother didn’t seem phased by the fact you were verbally insulting his brother, if anything, he looked amused with the situation. His arms had crossed by the time you finished and his green eyes raised to Thor’s who looked astonished at you. It took him a moment to compose himself as not many humans had the gut to oppose a god - leave alone a god who had saved the earth several times over at his own risk. ‘’I meant no harm, good sir!’’ He said shortly after, nodding with a bright smile on his face which masked a slight worry due to the fact he had misgendered someone. A few moments after that had occured, your attention fixed back onto Loki who had met your gaze and your eyes locked together in a silent stare. You felt like your feet had frozen to the ground and your heart was rapidly beating inside the cavity of your chest.

Loki tilted his head ever so slightly and observed you for the time being before his lips finally parted to speak. ‘’You’ve been watching us for a while now. Even from across the street. And you’re not here to swoon over my brother like many Midgardians.’’ He stated in a manner of fact which you couldn’t really oppose. It was the truth - you weren’t really the type to swoon over someone, not even Thor. ‘’What _are_ you here for?’’ Your eyes widened slightly at the question. You weren’t really here for anything - you just wanted to have a look and then be on your way to get your pizza. But you actually were talking to two gods. This isn’t what you had imagined to happen when you were leaving from work earlier. ‘’Nothing, really. I just finished work and I’m famished. That’s it.’’

Thor’s smile widened and he looked towards Loki. ‘’See, brother. I am not the only one who knows how to have a good meal.’’ Loki looked at you with an intense stare, almost as if he figured out something you were hiding desperately. After his brother began rambling again, Loki regarded him with a sardonic smile which soon faded and he looked back to you, as did Thor who now extended his hand to shake yours, if you would allow it. ‘’The human way of greeting, is it not?’’ He inquired and you nodded somewhat, feeling the big hand almost squeeze your smaller one which honestly felt like it was breaking. After you shook his hand, Thor looked to Loki, expectantly. ‘’Thor, and this is my brother, Loki, but I think you know that.’’ Loki’s eyes shot a disapproving glance towards Thor, but Thor didn’t relent, almost as if he had leverage on Loki, and after their staring competition ended, Loki extended his hands to yours, reluctantly. ‘’Y/N. Nice to meet you, I guess.’’ You said, trying to hold back how excited you really felt. You were holding the hand of Loki ---

The impressive God of Thunder simply watched you two interact, perhaps happy that his brother is socializing more, especially with Midgardians. Though as you held Loki’s hand, yours squeezed his as pain shot up and through your arm. Your eyes shut tightly as you saw memories, and they were filled with excruciating pain that surged through your entire body. You saw Loki in them, all of them, feeling his pain and his jealousy, his wish for equality and his desire to be loved by his father that raised him. You saw how he only thought of himself as a lesser being, walking in the shadow of his brother, Thor. Loki’s eyes narrowed, trying to get his hand back, which he managed to do after a moment, but he didn’t stop staring at you. And Thor, who was about to intervene, looked dumbfounded at the two of you, only to eventually question Loki. ‘’One of your tricks, Loki? What did you do?’’

Loki looked down for a mere second, doubt washing over his features, yet he managed to compose himself. ‘’I don’t know.’’ Then they both looked at you for questions. ‘’..Uh. I’ve..no idea what just happened..- how could I see your memories? I’m not..- I’ve no superpowers.’’ Loki seemed to be thinking, going over the possibilities and the theories that were the most logical ones. Eventually, after a long pause of silence, he concluded something. ‘’I think I’ve unlocked suppressed powers in him. He must’ve had an affinity for it - yet someone intentionally made him unable to use it. Until now.’’ Your eyes were losing sight of the two and your vision gradually became blurry as you felt your knees cave in and your body collapse to the ground. Though, expecting a rough, painful landing on the frigid pavement, your fall was broken by two large hands of the blonde god that managed to intercept just on time. Your eyes were half-lidded, seeing blackness cloud your vision, and your ears managed to catch snippets of conversation between the two. ‘’We have to find our Father, Loki.’’ The raven haired man offered an annoyed glance to his blonde brother, correcting him. ‘’ _Your_ father. And what must be done now is to bring him to the Avengers. We have no other choice. His powers are out of control and I’m responsible for unlocking them.’’

Alot of questions ran through your head. You weren’t superhuman, were you? Did Loki gift you powers? That wouldn’t make sense - he doesn’t even know you, and according to your logical way of thinking, he wasn’t really a fan-favourite. It was a miracle that he even was allowed to stand there without any assaulting him for his deeds. Thor looked conflicted, you could see as much as you looked upwards to him, he was almost cradling you like a child, like a vulnerable Midgardian that he was used to. ‘’Loki, the Nine Realms are -’’ Your eyes slowly moved to the God of Mischief, who already interrupted Thor. ‘’At war. I’m aware. Bring him to Stark - I will explain what has happened to grant some clarity on the situation when we’re there. This won’t take long.’’ Loki hoped it wouldn’t, but knowing Tony, it might take forever. As you struggled to remain awake, you slowly drifted in and out of consciousness, feeling your body become limp.

 

~~

 

It felt like hours had passed before you felt like you could move again. Bright lights were shining down on you that pierced your eyelids and you groaned lowly at the sensation that ran through your body. It was uncomfortable and unbearable, like needles were entering your body all over and you couldn’t do anything about it. You couldn’t remember much from before you passed out, only that you had met two gods, you had superpowers all of a sudden, and they were going to bring you to a ‘Stark’. You thought a while about who this ‘Stark’ person was, but after realization struck you finally snapped your eyes open and you were greeted by the man himself. Tony Stark was walking from left to right with some sort of tablet in his hand, monitoring you, probably. When he saw you awoke, the man flashed a wide smile in your direction. ‘’Hey, hey. Good to have you finally awake, was about to think you’d be Sleeping Beauty forever.’’

You lifted your right hand to rub your temple as you cleared your vision, trying to make sense of where you were exactly. But it didn’t take long before you looked down at your body and you saw your clothing was gone and it was replaced with a white long sleeved shirt and white pants, likely for medical purposes. You also felt no pressure on your chest which made you panic as you didn’t want to be exposed to anyone. It was like a breach of privacy. Tony seemed to notice that you were panicking so he approached and sat down at the edge of your bed in the infirmary which was located in Stark Tower - or Avengers Tower. ‘’I’m Tony Stark, though I think you know. Everyone does. Anyway, Point Break and Reindeer Games dropped you off here because they had no other choice, and considering I just finished beating Captain’s ass - don’t tell anyone - I got time for you. Something about extreme neuron activity in your brain. It’s off the charts, pal.’’ You leaned back a little, trying to create some distance from the man, simply because you felt too _vulnerable,_ too _exposed,_ too _weak._ You knew very well who Tony Stark was - he was Iron Man aswell, you were a fan of him too, but you never imagined in your petty life you’d meet anyone of his stature. Your life just kept getting weirder. ‘’Also, about your body..- I’m not gonna tell anyone, but your ribs are bruised and your head might explode any moment, so try not to worry too much. Though, I gotta ask, what’s the preferred pronoun? Name? Just not to mess it up, which I have a tendency to do.’’ Tony tilted his head from side to side, awkwardly smiling

‘’Y/N. I’m…- I identify as male..- as transgender.’’ Tony peered at you for a moment longer, though he didn’t seem to be judging you. Nor did he seem disgusted, if anything, he was up to date with everything these days. ‘’Got it. I’ll put that in the file in-case any gets a look at it but me. So how about you tell me what happened? What can you remember?’’ You slowly pushed up on the bed, leaning on your elbow with a tired stare. ‘’I met them today…- then we spoke..- I shook Thor’s hand..- and then Loki’s..- and then I saw his memories..- I..- I don’t know how..- I didn’t..’’ Your head stung everytime you tried to think of what had happened sometime ago. Maybe it was a one-time thing. Maybe you were imagining things.

Tony’s right eye had a large dark red ring under it, alongside other spots on his face that were darker of color and some even had stitches. You weren’t sure if you should comment on that or not, but if the Captain did this..- maybe he wasn’t such a hero afterall.

‘’Don’t sweat it, kid. I’ll keep you here for a while longer until we know what’s going on in that head of yours. What triggers it and what more you can do than read memories of people.’’ Tony moved to the edge of the bed and took the sheets that you had pushed off, somehow, only to cover you in it again to keep you warm. ‘’Get some more rest, Y/N, I’ll inform you if anything happens.’’ With that, you simply nodded, although skeptical, but you figured you needed some sleep as your head was spinning. You were in the good hands of Tony Stark, and you hoped you’d see them again.

  
You hoped you’d see _Loki_ again.


End file.
